If all else fails - don't read the manual!

I admit that I often don't read manuals - at least not until I'm totally confused - and sometimes that's quite quickly - especially if I'm trying to build something like a piece of flat packed furniture. But sometimes "instructions" are just so wonderful. Friends James and Dana gave me a mug at the weekend with "I (heart) Spreadsheets" on the front and on the box there were "instructions" (I kid you not).

The "Instructions for use" read "Fill up mug with beverage of choice. Drink"

I'm so glad they did that otherwise I would have never worked it out!

Reminds me of when I got stuck in USA (thanks to plane delays) with no luggage - so I ended up going to the local shopping mall in Philadelphia to buy some pants - and the pack had instructions for use on them! It said, "place left foot through garment, then put right foot through, pull over knees, up to waist. Stand with hands on hips and feel good"! No joke - it really did.

And I followed the instructions to the letter - but it didn't work. You see it never said "Remove trousers..." first - so I ended up looking like Superman but with boxers on!

And the lesson here - sometimes common sense is more valuable than written instructions!

O dear what can the matter be, David Morgan's locked in the lavatory!!

Yes - actually happened - I got locked in the loo! It was Saturday night and I had popped into the loo - and hadn't locked the door - never do - but just shut it - but when I came to turn the handle to get out it just turned and turned and turned! As it happened my mobile was still in a pouch on my belt so I was able to call my wife who was watching "Strictly..." downstairs. She didn't believe me! So I had to persuade her to come up the stairs and try the door. Only then did she accept that I wasn't just trying to stop her watching "Strictly..."!

Eventually, once we had removed the spindle and she had passed me a nail file through the spindle hole I was able to partly push the latch in as she pushed the door and I was free!!

But it did make me wonder - suppose that had happened when she had gone to a dog show, was going to be out all day, the dogs were loose in the run (and would have started barking), and I had somewhere to go? I could have been in there for hours.

So the moral (and lesson) is - either keep a rope ladder in the loo - or more sensibly - don't shut the door especially when you're on your own.

Value what you have Part 2

On October 5th I wrote "Value what you have" as I talked about my father in law as he was ill in hospital. Sadly one month later, on Friday November 5th he passed away. He will be (he is) sadly missed.

Dave

I need a hobby!!

Some might say Beloved is my hobby - and as much as I love her and agree, it doesn't quite solve the problem! You see in a conversation with sis-in-law last Sunday, when we were talking about her (and Beloved's) father, who is sadly suffering from dementia, she said maybe it was because when he gave up work (at the grand old age of 80) he had no other interests, so his brain hasn't been active - and that allowed the dementia to set in!

Now I haven't submitted that to the Lancet yet, and some people will say my brain hasn't been active for years - but it did make me think about my own situation. You see Beloved has her dogs, and her garden and her love of reading - and I've got - well - Spider Solitaire on the PC!!!

OK I like music, and I do a bit in the garden - but under her guidance - wouldn't have a clue where to start if she didn't direct me - and now the TVR has gone - I don't really have any "hobbies" as such. I've all but given up running (bad back), I'm worse than Frank Spencer at DIY and I'm just not into dog showing (sorry love).

So in preparation for when I eventually give up work (not THAT far away) I need to start a hobby. I've tried painting (I'm rubbish), collecting (no space), writing (no-one reads the books/poems etc I have already written, so why write more), dress making (got very funny looks) and brass rubbing (which I only took up because I thought it was rubbing bra's) and Beloved has refused me permisson to buy a set of bagpipes! So what's left - work and preaching! Neither of which I could really call a hobby.

So answers on a postcard please, to what my hobby should be, to David Morgan, c/o the Home for the Slightly Disturbed...

Lesson: Start a hobby when you're young - and stick to it!!

Quality - what quality?

What's happened to quality today? Most large companies have Quality Control departments, most products are CE marked and many manufacturers and suppliers are ISO approved (which in theory means quality!).

So why is this laptop PC - that I bought less than 2 months ago - causing me problems with dropping into "sleep" mode often halfway through a sentence?

And why did one of the CD's I bought from HMV at the weekend not work?

And the third (things happen in 3's) was a Binatone phone that I bought on Saturday specifically to use on conference calls handsfree. It had a large notice stating that it had hands free facility. The hands free facility was absolute rubbish. Could hardly hear anything and the instructions had words that were not English (and not any othe language either - absolute jibberish). And even when the instructions were in English they were not correct.

Why can't I buy something that actually works?

Not sure what my lesson is from this - other than if you expect everything you buy to fail then occasionally you might just have a pleasant surprise (or am I just being cynical)?!

Are apples really good for us?

Trying to pick some apples off our apple tree after work tonight - using a ladder and a platform - and still nearly fell off - wouldn't be the first time - I once fell off a ladder whilst sawing through a branch - and yes - I was holding on to the branch at the time- Doh!

So maybe apples aren't that good for us (me) anyway! Lesson: Sometimes we take risks that just aren't necessary - in future I think I'll wait until they fall off the tree!

Hoarding

Been helping clear out some of Pa-in-law's papers whilst he is in hospital - he's a dreadful hoarder! Mind you that's the pot calling the kettle black because so am I! I even have a wardrobe in the garage to keep things in (hasn't everyone?!) and in that wardrobe is one box labelled "Things I don't know what to do with but don't want to throw away!" What's in there? Can't remember - but clearly no point in opening the box because I won't throw anything away inside it!

Why do we all hoard so much? My lesson today is to learn to throw more away. So I'm starting with my clothes. Having recently left the company that I worked for for 12 years under redundancy, I got all their logo'd shirts into a pile and...put them in a drawer (they could be useful in the garden!!!!)